November 2008
15 posts
Journey, "Don't Stop Believing" →
Emanuel pick sends powerful signal →
No joke!
Conspiracy Theories
Contrary to what some would say, I am not in league with John McCain and a British-accented Sarah Palin and plotting to steal the Hope Diamond.
Where do these people come up with this stuff? Don’t they know I’m a pragmatist? If I were to steal diamonds, I’d steal from somewhere less conspicuous. Like Kenya, the place of my birth.
You Don’t Know Me At All
WatchWhat do those anchors mean, I won’t help all my supporters who are now wandering aimlessly? That’s the whole point of my plans to expand compulsory service in America! There is a ripe crop of unfulfilled youth out there just waiting me to harvest them. My call to service will awake them to their true life’s passion.
You're never going to believe this--wait, yes you...
Great news, everyone! We’ll have a press conference soon, but I wanted to let you know first (kind of like the email last night of our victory).
I just got off a conference call with bin Laden, Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong-il, Mikel Garikoitz Aspiazu Rubina, Hu Jintao, and Vladmir Putin. They’ve all unanimously agreed to stop any activity that the U.S. doesn’t approve of!
And for...
Confession
The real reason I’m getting the girls a puppy is because I’m scared Jesse Jackson still might try and castrate me.
Damn damn damn! I lost my recipe for turning water into wine!
Just thinking aloud...
Time to start work on the Presidential Cabinet. I promised I’d listed to you all, so give me some feedback. Here’s what I wrote down off the top of my head on a napkin last night:
Oprah for Secretary of the Treasury. She figured out the economics of giving her entire audience a brand new car, so who better to work out paying millions of Americans’ mortgages and fuel costs? Plus,...
I won the election! Praise Allah.